Again

Old feelings come back…

Different, yet completely familiar.

The same way I reread 

my worn out book

As I finger the pages

Heartbroken to realize

all the time I spent searching

In places I didn’t belong.  

We go back to old feelings 

For the same reasons we

reread our favorite novels

rewatch our favorite shows 

replay our favorite memories 

repeat our favorite stories 

rewind to our favorite parts 

For it is the familiar we cling to

Desperate for a piece of the known

When in reality our lives are a big 

Mystery waiting to unfold 

But I am not inspired by the uncertainty,

of this mysterious phenomena called ‘life’. 

So I cling to what is known 

And I am entirely content with that.   

The Black Widow 

She woke up on the right side of the bed

even though it was the wrong bed.

A euphoric release from his touch,

such a familiar, yet disconnected feeling.

How lucky to feel wanted. 
But the feelings of ecstasy  fade, 
An abrupt comedown 

from her contact high.

Crash. 

She relapsed on her image of poetic irony

as she’s filled to the brim with emptiness

from throwing herself to loveless lovers. 
Her fickle heart is alluring, they say. 

Don’t men love the chase? 

She doesn’t mean to harm. 
But all the same,

She’ll wake up in an unfamiliar place  

while repeating her vicious cycle.

Like a black widow, she uses men

to fill her void…
…only to rip their hearts out in the morning 

The Giver & The Taker 

She could feel the pain he felt. 

All too well, she knows that ache.

Much agony, she has been dealt.

So much a soul can take

She wanted to take his pain away 

So on her knees, she fell. 

Offering herself up as prey 

To him, her soul she’d sell. 

Their demons were not the same, 

But together their monsters played 

perfectly in sync they became 

And no longer were they afraid 

She never asked for anything 

All she knew was to give 

But that boy had her by a string 

Yet, gave her no reason to live 

He tried his best but didn’t know how 

-for all he knew was to take  

She’s lifeless on the cold hard ground

Because he took all that she could make

Galaxy 

I was the moon 
You, the sun. 

Dancing together but separate
in our parallel universes.

Always in sync, 
rarely in sight,

More alike than different, yet,  
too different to be alike. 

Lightness and darkness. 
A curiously beautiful mix. 

Like oil and water  
Tirelessly swirling around each other, 

But we could never fully intertwine.
Yes, you stayed in your own orbit. 

I watched you from the darkness,
across the galaxy, feeling too far away. 

Trying to remember your existence, 
An attempt to feel your light. 

And when it was time for day, 
I always longed for a kiss goodbye. 

But you never looked back, my Sun, 

As you left to light up everyone else’s sky

What wakes me 

I am tormented by day

by remembering that night.

Possessed by the demon called Memory.

How uncanny to be haunted

by someone who is not dead.

Though, in my darkest hours,

I’ve wished him to be.

Realizations have forced me to see

his death would bring no solace.

 

No- as he still stalks the streets alive,

dead, he’d continue to linger in my mind

For he has made himself

temporarily immortal,

dwelling in two lives at once.

He goes about his normal life

while simultaneously living

in my nightmares.

 

And in the midst of the night

I suddenly wake

To feel his phantom hands

Groping the body I once called my own

But will eternally have to share
With him.

Star-crossed and Lost

 

painting by Lissa Bockrath

Like a tsunami wave

in the backyard pond,

the enormity of my love

was too much for you.

A star-crossed love, brewing the tempest,

a union to displease the universe.

Empowered by my powerlessness,

an attempt to make you

more vulnerable than I.

 

We both lost

and were taken by the storm.

Holding on too tightly

made us weak.

So we let go of our future.

But still kept a grip,

clinging desperately to our past,

as we grieved what we could have been.

The wind screamed louder than

my wails of horror knowing

I’d lose you in an instant.

 

We were pushed further apart

by gusts of wind until we lost sight.

And now we no longer remember

the other’s face.

 

Goodbye, faceless lover.

Perhaps we’ll meet again in the calm,

because you will forever be

my most beloved “what if?”.

Eternal Ache 

A phantom limb.

Pain in the hole my heart once lived.

A nostalgic ache.

Longing for who I used to be

before you came crashing into my being.

Before your beautiful confusion

destroyed my monotonous contentment.

A playmate for my mind

with an identical soul.

You awakened my weary heart

with no intention of loving back.

Paralyzed by your existence,

I long for life before your impact.

Before your gorgeous wreck morphed me

I wish I remembered what it was like

before the agony of knowing you

and losing you.

Because I’ll never be the same.