Old feelings come back…
Different, yet completely familiar.
The same way I reread
my worn out book
As I finger the pages
Heartbroken to realize
all the time I spent searching
In places I didn’t belong.
We go back to old feelings
For the same reasons we
reread our favorite novels
rewatch our favorite shows
replay our favorite memories
repeat our favorite stories
rewind to our favorite parts
For it is the familiar we cling to
Desperate for a piece of the known
When in reality our lives are a big
Mystery waiting to unfold
But I am not inspired by the uncertainty,
of this mysterious phenomena called ‘life’.
So I cling to what is known
And I am entirely content with that.
She woke up on the right side of the bed
even though it was the wrong bed.
A euphoric release from his touch,
such a familiar, yet disconnected feeling.
How lucky to feel wanted.
But the feelings of ecstasy fade,
An abrupt comedown
from her contact high.
She relapsed on her image of poetic irony
as she’s filled to the brim with emptiness
from throwing herself to loveless lovers.
Her fickle heart is alluring, they say.
Don’t men love the chase?
She doesn’t mean to harm.
But all the same,
She’ll wake up in an unfamiliar place
while repeating her vicious cycle.
Like a black widow, she uses men
to fill her void…
…only to rip their hearts out in the morning
She could feel the pain he felt.
All too well, she knows that ache.
Much agony, she has been dealt.
So much a soul can take
She wanted to take his pain away
So on her knees, she fell.
Offering herself up as prey
To him, her soul she’d sell.
Their demons were not the same,
But together their monsters played
perfectly in sync they became
And no longer were they afraid
She never asked for anything
All she knew was to give
But that boy had her by a string
Yet, gave her no reason to live
He tried his best but didn’t know how
-for all he knew was to take
She’s lifeless on the cold hard ground
Because he took all that she could make
I was the moon
You, the sun.
Dancing together but separate
in our parallel universes.
Always in sync,
rarely in sight,
More alike than different, yet,
too different to be alike.
Lightness and darkness.
A curiously beautiful mix.
Like oil and water
Tirelessly swirling around each other,
But we could never fully intertwine.
Yes, you stayed in your own orbit.
I watched you from the darkness,
across the galaxy, feeling too far away.
Trying to remember your existence,
An attempt to feel your light.
And when it was time for day,
I always longed for a kiss goodbye.
But you never looked back, my Sun,
As you left to light up everyone else’s sky
I am tormented by day
by remembering that night.
Possessed by the demon called Memory.
How uncanny to be haunted
by someone who is not dead.
Though, in my darkest hours,
I’ve wished him to be.
Realizations have forced me to see
his death would bring no solace.
No- as he still stalks the streets alive,
dead, he’d continue to linger in my mind
For he has made himself
dwelling in two lives at once.
He goes about his normal life
while simultaneously living
in my nightmares.
And in the midst of the night
I suddenly wake
To feel his phantom hands
Groping the body I once called my own
But will eternally have to share
Like a tsunami wave
in the backyard pond,
the enormity of my love
was too much for you.
A star-crossed love, brewing the tempest,
a union to displease the universe.
Empowered by my powerlessness,
an attempt to make you
more vulnerable than I.
We both lost
and were taken by the storm.
Holding on too tightly
made us weak.
So we let go of our future.
But still kept a grip,
clinging desperately to our past,
as we grieved what we could have been.
The wind screamed louder than
my wails of horror knowing
I’d lose you in an instant.
We were pushed further apart
by gusts of wind until we lost sight.
And now we no longer remember
the other’s face.
Goodbye, faceless lover.
Perhaps we’ll meet again in the calm,
because you will forever be
my most beloved “what if?”.
A phantom limb.
Pain in the hole my heart once lived.
A nostalgic ache.
Longing for who I used to be
before you came crashing into my being.
Before your beautiful confusion
destroyed my monotonous contentment.
A playmate for my mind
with an identical soul.
You awakened my weary heart
with no intention of loving back.
Paralyzed by your existence,
I long for life before your impact.
Before your gorgeous wreck morphed me
I wish I remembered what it was like
before the agony of knowing you
and losing you.
Because I’ll never be the same.